Five weeks ago (minus one day) I had a partial knee replacement. I'm back to work as of Monday of this week and I'm doing very well. I go to therapy three times a week, but after next Friday those appointments will end (insurance) and I'll be on my own for stretching, moving, bending, working that left knee. I like therapy. It feels very positive to be there and the (mostly) women who help me are really great. So it's been a very good thing to have this done, but I've got a long way to go to be completely healed. I don't mind. I like solving health problems and getting good outcomes. I know lots of people have horror stories of bad outcomes, but I'm glad not to count myself among them.
Currently my husband is in a crisis mode at work. After getting very good performance reviews two years in a row and raises both times, suddenly this year they are nitpicking and finding fault and making him do menial jobs and giving lots of his work to younger members of his department. They've got him on a performance improvement plan and he feels nearly certain they are going to let him go at the end of this 45 day plan (or is it 90 days? He's gotten nothing in writing and that's only one more feature of this whole nightmare). The thought of having to find a new job at his age is very intimidating and nerve-wracking. I'll be 56 in a couple of weeks - he already is 56. He looks older if I'm being honest. His mustache is white and he's balding and mostly silvery hair. If we have to move away from our house that we had built to our design specs, and the gorgeous west-facing view we have, plus the patio he built and the perennial garden and our vegetable garden and his beekeeping - well, a sadder day can not be imagined right now. It's hard to stay positive in the face of a possible job loss. I'm praying like an insane woman at night. I'm not sleeping very well, and neither is he. This bullshit is just not fun. I know there are lots of people in worse positions, financially or medically. I am not unsympathetic. But I am realistic. This is what we are experiencing. This is what is our life right now. I wish I could see through the haze and know what is ahead of us. Everyone wishes that. Why should we get to know? We won't. We'll accept. Above all of this, though, I do have a strong faith that God won't let anything really terrible happen to us. I'm trying to keep an open mind, really. But I'd be lying if I didn't say it's going to really, really hurt if we have to leave here.
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Dreaming
My husband has a bad cold, or possibly a sinus infection. So I slept in another bedroom last night, on a different level of the house, so I could avoid his snoring. No big deal. I slept for 6.5 straight hours and had to get up to use the bathroom, but went back to bed since it wasn't quite 5 AM. I was glad to have an extra 75 minutes of sleep, but was amazed at the vivid and memorable dream I had in that time frame.
I dreamt that my mother, one of my sisters and I went for a walk. This was, obviously, a much younger version of my mother because she's nearly 91 now. So we walked, and walked, and came across lots of people to say hello to, and kids playing on the sidewalks, etc. The skies darkened, though, and I wanted to head back home. Mom and sis wanted to continue in the direction they were headed. I turned around to go home, and in that mysterious way that dreams do, suddenly I was in a neighborhood that didn't seem familiar. I saw a grocery store that looked familiar, went inside to ask if I could make a phone call because I'd left my cell at home. I was told they didn't have any pay phones and was shown the door. Down the street (after I crossed railroad tracks) I found two men, aged 65-70, and asked if I could borrow one of their cell phones because I needed someone to pick me up. "Sorry, I forgot mine at home too!" said one of them. I continued on. Nearby I stopped at a house where two older women (older than me) had some young children about. When I asked if I could make a phone call, they looked at me suspiciously and told me a resounding "NO!" So I left their front porch, and looking up the hilly street, saw concrete edges to what seemed to be a bridge. I started to walk in that direction, and began crying softly as I did. One of the women at the house had a sudden change of heart, and called for me to come back. They treated me much more kindly when I went back inside. And they went in search of their phone, which (obviously) was missing. In the meantime I asked them where I was so I could tell someone, when I made a phone call, how to find me. They kept searching for words to explain where they lived and could not really say. I said "Do you have a map? Can you show me where we are on a map?" "Good idea!" one of them exclaimed. "We'll find a map!"
It was around this point in the dream when the outside/real world intruded on my sleep. I heard the cat scratching in her litter box outside the bedroom, in front of the sliding glass door to the patio. That was my cue to open my eyes. I could see daylight in the window, so I realized I had to get my butt out of bed and get the day started. The dream stayed with me when I went upstairs. So often when I dream I lose details rapidly, and even if it's a fascinating sequence of events, when I go back to mull them over, they're gone. Poof. In the wind. This one stayed with me. I wish I could figure out why.
I dreamt that my mother, one of my sisters and I went for a walk. This was, obviously, a much younger version of my mother because she's nearly 91 now. So we walked, and walked, and came across lots of people to say hello to, and kids playing on the sidewalks, etc. The skies darkened, though, and I wanted to head back home. Mom and sis wanted to continue in the direction they were headed. I turned around to go home, and in that mysterious way that dreams do, suddenly I was in a neighborhood that didn't seem familiar. I saw a grocery store that looked familiar, went inside to ask if I could make a phone call because I'd left my cell at home. I was told they didn't have any pay phones and was shown the door. Down the street (after I crossed railroad tracks) I found two men, aged 65-70, and asked if I could borrow one of their cell phones because I needed someone to pick me up. "Sorry, I forgot mine at home too!" said one of them. I continued on. Nearby I stopped at a house where two older women (older than me) had some young children about. When I asked if I could make a phone call, they looked at me suspiciously and told me a resounding "NO!" So I left their front porch, and looking up the hilly street, saw concrete edges to what seemed to be a bridge. I started to walk in that direction, and began crying softly as I did. One of the women at the house had a sudden change of heart, and called for me to come back. They treated me much more kindly when I went back inside. And they went in search of their phone, which (obviously) was missing. In the meantime I asked them where I was so I could tell someone, when I made a phone call, how to find me. They kept searching for words to explain where they lived and could not really say. I said "Do you have a map? Can you show me where we are on a map?" "Good idea!" one of them exclaimed. "We'll find a map!"
It was around this point in the dream when the outside/real world intruded on my sleep. I heard the cat scratching in her litter box outside the bedroom, in front of the sliding glass door to the patio. That was my cue to open my eyes. I could see daylight in the window, so I realized I had to get my butt out of bed and get the day started. The dream stayed with me when I went upstairs. So often when I dream I lose details rapidly, and even if it's a fascinating sequence of events, when I go back to mull them over, they're gone. Poof. In the wind. This one stayed with me. I wish I could figure out why.
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