Slowly my husband and I are coming to terms with what may be happening soon related to his potential job loss. He's been pro-active by applying to some jobs, two of which are in the same town where we live. That would be ideal -we'd get to say in our home and everything else would go on as usual. Except he'd (maybe) finally be happy in his work and we'd stop worrying about (maybe) losing our home and (maybe) we won't have to leave a part of the country where our son and daughter-in-law live. Not to mention future grandchildren. Having this kind of uncertainty shoved down our throats at our age is just almost unbearable. But like I keep telling myself - there are no scripts handed out when we're born that we can study and memorize and know what lies ahead of us at every bend and twist in our lives. Most of all, my faith tells me that God hasn't lead us down any perilous paths yet and He always seems to know what is best for us. If I can keep that thought upper most in my mind, and not get caught up in the emotional drain of thinking of leaving our home that we love so much, and all that would be involved in that, then I think I'll make it through this.
Okay enough of that bullshit. Time for a change in direction. My brother-in-law is back on US soil! He got to Afghanistan last December and now eight months later, he's back. I wish my son's deployment would also be done in eight months. We were told it would be nine. I guess you never know with the military. Be prepared for anything. Is that their motto? No, I think it's the Boy Scouts' motto. Anyway, my sister and her three children must be overjoyed and over the moon and overwhelmed with happiness that he is back! I hope to see them at Thanksgiving, if not before that. Although it seems likely that November would be a logical time to see them.
I've been quilting again. I completed a wall hanging about two months ago and picked it up when I was on medical leave for my knee. It feels nice. Odd, but nice. It reminds me that I'll have lots of handwork to do when I retire. Better to keep my fingers nimble now rather than start up quilting again just as I retire. It's my first love. I really enjoy knitting and crocheting, but quilting makes my heart sing. It always has. I used to wish that my daughter would fall in love with quilting. But knitting makes her feel like that, so I'm glad she found something to be passionate about. Makes life worth living, and gives you something to fall back on when you've got the blues, or are worrying excessively. And these days - the worrying days far outnumber the non-worrying days. I wonder if I have an ulcer forming?! Sure hope not.
I have too much time on my hands at my job. When I acknowledge that fact, I realize that maybe a change in jobs might not necessarily be a bad thing for either my husband or me. Busy makes the time go faster. I'm never very busy. Well - not NEVER, but rarely. Here I am working at my 'dream' job but they can't keep me busy. Maybe a career switch-up is in order for me. I wonder if I could re-invent myself?!?!
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Monday, August 19, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Healing
Five weeks ago (minus one day) I had a partial knee replacement. I'm back to work as of Monday of this week and I'm doing very well. I go to therapy three times a week, but after next Friday those appointments will end (insurance) and I'll be on my own for stretching, moving, bending, working that left knee. I like therapy. It feels very positive to be there and the (mostly) women who help me are really great. So it's been a very good thing to have this done, but I've got a long way to go to be completely healed. I don't mind. I like solving health problems and getting good outcomes. I know lots of people have horror stories of bad outcomes, but I'm glad not to count myself among them.
Currently my husband is in a crisis mode at work. After getting very good performance reviews two years in a row and raises both times, suddenly this year they are nitpicking and finding fault and making him do menial jobs and giving lots of his work to younger members of his department. They've got him on a performance improvement plan and he feels nearly certain they are going to let him go at the end of this 45 day plan (or is it 90 days? He's gotten nothing in writing and that's only one more feature of this whole nightmare). The thought of having to find a new job at his age is very intimidating and nerve-wracking. I'll be 56 in a couple of weeks - he already is 56. He looks older if I'm being honest. His mustache is white and he's balding and mostly silvery hair. If we have to move away from our house that we had built to our design specs, and the gorgeous west-facing view we have, plus the patio he built and the perennial garden and our vegetable garden and his beekeeping - well, a sadder day can not be imagined right now. It's hard to stay positive in the face of a possible job loss. I'm praying like an insane woman at night. I'm not sleeping very well, and neither is he. This bullshit is just not fun. I know there are lots of people in worse positions, financially or medically. I am not unsympathetic. But I am realistic. This is what we are experiencing. This is what is our life right now. I wish I could see through the haze and know what is ahead of us. Everyone wishes that. Why should we get to know? We won't. We'll accept. Above all of this, though, I do have a strong faith that God won't let anything really terrible happen to us. I'm trying to keep an open mind, really. But I'd be lying if I didn't say it's going to really, really hurt if we have to leave here.
Currently my husband is in a crisis mode at work. After getting very good performance reviews two years in a row and raises both times, suddenly this year they are nitpicking and finding fault and making him do menial jobs and giving lots of his work to younger members of his department. They've got him on a performance improvement plan and he feels nearly certain they are going to let him go at the end of this 45 day plan (or is it 90 days? He's gotten nothing in writing and that's only one more feature of this whole nightmare). The thought of having to find a new job at his age is very intimidating and nerve-wracking. I'll be 56 in a couple of weeks - he already is 56. He looks older if I'm being honest. His mustache is white and he's balding and mostly silvery hair. If we have to move away from our house that we had built to our design specs, and the gorgeous west-facing view we have, plus the patio he built and the perennial garden and our vegetable garden and his beekeeping - well, a sadder day can not be imagined right now. It's hard to stay positive in the face of a possible job loss. I'm praying like an insane woman at night. I'm not sleeping very well, and neither is he. This bullshit is just not fun. I know there are lots of people in worse positions, financially or medically. I am not unsympathetic. But I am realistic. This is what we are experiencing. This is what is our life right now. I wish I could see through the haze and know what is ahead of us. Everyone wishes that. Why should we get to know? We won't. We'll accept. Above all of this, though, I do have a strong faith that God won't let anything really terrible happen to us. I'm trying to keep an open mind, really. But I'd be lying if I didn't say it's going to really, really hurt if we have to leave here.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Rain
The temperature this morning started in the high 50's, and it's dropping through the day. Everything is so lush and green outside, I just wish it would stay in the 60's or 70's. Everyone bitches and whines about the weather and I'm no different. But I've come to the conclusion that this is the most reluctant Spring I've seen in quite awhile.
My husband has a cold and stayed home from work today. He saw the doctor in the afternoon and he does have a sinus infection. However the doctor also said he found a polyp in his sinuses. This is not a complete surprise because he's been complaining about "rocks" in his nose for awhile. And he uses a steroid nasal spray because of frequent nosebleeds. Next step is to see an ear/nose/throat specialist to check out the polyp. Ordinarily I wouldn't be too concerned, but he's a cancer survivor. It naturally makes you automatically think: OH SHIT IT'S CANCER AGAIN! I swear I'm not going to get caught up in this vicious cycle of fear and nervousness again. After hearing of a friend recently who had a nagging cough since January, and was being treated but it wasn't getting better, so of course they kept testing, and now he knows he has cancer in both lungs and his liver, it begins to feel inevitable that we're all going to get eaten up by that nasty disease. Maybe not ALL of us but many of us. I've come to accept that it's a fact of life for those of us in our 50's. We hear it all the time, whether it's a friend, or a friend of a friend, somebody at church, etc. But you can't live your life constantly looking over your shoulder, waiting for a pie to be delivered right to your face that is filled with bad things.
Now that I think about it, since I started posting to this blog, each entry has been pretty much one downer after another. Am I preoccupied with desolate stories?! Am I only able to talk about negative things? Sweet Jesus I hope not. Assignment for tomorrow and the days to come: find something fun and light-hearted to talk about. Puppies, babies, flowers, etc.
My husband has a cold and stayed home from work today. He saw the doctor in the afternoon and he does have a sinus infection. However the doctor also said he found a polyp in his sinuses. This is not a complete surprise because he's been complaining about "rocks" in his nose for awhile. And he uses a steroid nasal spray because of frequent nosebleeds. Next step is to see an ear/nose/throat specialist to check out the polyp. Ordinarily I wouldn't be too concerned, but he's a cancer survivor. It naturally makes you automatically think: OH SHIT IT'S CANCER AGAIN! I swear I'm not going to get caught up in this vicious cycle of fear and nervousness again. After hearing of a friend recently who had a nagging cough since January, and was being treated but it wasn't getting better, so of course they kept testing, and now he knows he has cancer in both lungs and his liver, it begins to feel inevitable that we're all going to get eaten up by that nasty disease. Maybe not ALL of us but many of us. I've come to accept that it's a fact of life for those of us in our 50's. We hear it all the time, whether it's a friend, or a friend of a friend, somebody at church, etc. But you can't live your life constantly looking over your shoulder, waiting for a pie to be delivered right to your face that is filled with bad things.
Now that I think about it, since I started posting to this blog, each entry has been pretty much one downer after another. Am I preoccupied with desolate stories?! Am I only able to talk about negative things? Sweet Jesus I hope not. Assignment for tomorrow and the days to come: find something fun and light-hearted to talk about. Puppies, babies, flowers, etc.
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